As I sat in the coffee shop reading ZBA (ZEN of Business Administration) by Marc Lesser, something caught my eye. The page I was reading asked, ‘what the most impossible thing life has asked you?’. I was confused. I couldn’t answer it straight away. Does that mean life never so far asked me anything impossible? Or does it mean that I have given equal weightage for everything in my life and can’t identify the difference between the impossible and possible things?
The question kept coming to my mind. What a great question is this? Or is it a stupid one?
In reflection, I must admit no one has ever asked me this, so in essence, I haven’t experienced a reply to it. My brain was cramming, and it felt uneasy to know I couldn’t answer it, even after a day had passed. The book said it is ok to find the answer, but keep thinking equally important. As I write this blog post, I think, is it that I have a writer’s blog, or is the question this hard for us. How do I find the answer to this question?
My first thought was when I couldn’t afford an international education, working hard to get two full scholarships to enable me to go abroad and be educated to a level in par with the international level, which helped me step into multiple opportunities?
The next thought was bringing up two children with minimum support with full-time work?
The third thought was to overcome the feeling of being taken advantage of within the family itself?
The next thought was to pay attention to me despite life issues and concentrate on building myself up?
Another thought was how to be a mother to two extra brilliant children to enhance their talents and give them the opportunities they deserve?
As I went on, I realized this question opened doors to action. Actions to some of the burning questions in one’s life pinpoint the essential thing you must do at a given time to overcome and move on.
I went on reading the book. It gave some examples from ZEN Buddhist followers as to how they answered the question.
At Fransisco Zen Centre, as the new abbot or a spiritual leader was posted, Marc Lesser was chosen to one question from him. He asked this question from the new abbot. The new abbot replied, “to keep my heart open, to the pains and sorrows, to the joy and well-being of everyone in my life, to not turn away from what was difficult but to turn towards it.”
We interpret our lives as beautiful, successful, precious, achievable, etc. We also analyze our lives as messy, unsuccessful, underperforming, not necessary. Our emotions, feelings, our body and mind reactions are based on these judgments. The judgmental feeling comes from where?
From our past experiences, others experiences we learned from, how we saw others do or say. In our memory, we have all this and based on processing, and we conclude the matter as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ A very subjective one. From here onwards, we give birth to suffering, feel pain, feel uncomfortable, feel taken for granted, and disturb our thinking further for many years.
According to Zen Buddhism, we feel pain, despair, and hopelessness because of things we don’t have or what we don’t want. The judgments of the above items come from ‘mistaken belief’ that we have an ‘identity. We worry so much about the future and what it holds. We don’t see that life as part of the fluid ball we live in that changes with others around us. At one given moment in time, that we are right where we were supposed to be. The people around us, the circumstances around us, we’re all part of that moment. We are not one isolated person against the whole world.
To me, I thought about the question again. What is the impossible thing life has asked me? I can now answer that one quickly, honestly, and true to my heart. My answer is to see the world as is, know that we are part of a fluid-filled world, part of others around us, and where we are, at the time, for a reason.
Realization of this almost was not an easy task. It took me days, and I kept asking myself the same question many times. I am sure the answer to this will be different from person to person. But it frees you when you find the answer to the above.
In our midlife years, we are most robust with our ego and identity, as we have come to a certain distance in life and feel important. At the same time, most of our issues start there – family issues, children issues, parent issues, job-related issues, etc. However, we have our maturity, our understanding, our ability to think all horned too. When you are entangled in life, ask this question yourself. Take time to find the answer. It took me nearly 3 days to finish this blog, as I couldn’t get the answer fast. But all in all, the experience of realization itself was amazing.
Ask the question yourself. Trust the question. Know it takes time. See how much it can enrich your life and others around you.
