In 1965, Elliott Jaques, the unknown Canadian psychoanalyst and organizational consultant, first introduced “midlife crisis.” Jaques wrote that we come face-to-face with our limitations, restricted possibilities, and mortality during this period.
As life expectancy has now increased with the science and technological advances, the midlife span has increased too. Changes needed and expected during middle age have become an existential necessity for many people. Most people aged 43-62 years have evolved into a ‘plateau phase’ in life, career-wise, family-wise, relationship-wise, etc. For some, this ‘comfort phase’ becomes scary. For some, they yearn to experiment with life, as believing what they have is not adequate. For some, it would be forced as they walk through an external environmental change and respond to it.
For example, some managers may feel that their work is no longer satisfying and have lost the drive professionally. Some need to be part of a new challenge, maybe start on their own business. For a CEO, he may face a conflict with the board of directors, making him hand over his resignation; An officer may fear being fired; A middle manager may have lost the opportunity for promotion to his colleague and may feel that their chance of reaching the next level is slim.
Whether we like it or not, after you hit 35 years, there are specific changes you will start to feel in your life. Some are positive, and some are negative by ‘your standards.’ The majority will get there at the age of 40 years, if not earlier. Despite the opportunities and challenges you overcome, mid-life remains a ‘challenging period’ for many who are ‘ill-prepared’ in their lives and have ‘fixed’ mindsets.
So how do we start to plan for your midlife?
At some stages in your working life, you could be at risk of losing your job unexpectedly. Additionally, your health problems that surface as a surprise, caring responsibilities of your families (if you live in Asia), your children education costs (again if you live in Asia) disproportionately affect people of this age. Also, if they lose their job at age 50, returning to work can be difficult for them unless they have their own home business.
A lot of people underestimate what they need in their later lives. Many people have goals for their children, at work for their teams, but hardly for themselves as we grow up. Or we have set the life goals but forget them halfway. As we go through life, we turn our wheel this side or that side, and we are going round and round, not reaching our goals. Planning early and ahead can boost your resilience abilities and safety net effects when faced with complex and unexpected circumstances in life. Or it is a difficult situation we encountered ourselves that showed us that we have been out of track for a long time.
Start by asking yourself these questions first. Some of the following questions were picked up from GET TO KNOW YOUR PENSION website, which I thought presented some dimensions we need to consider early for planning our midlife.
● Work-related
Am I confident I can continue in my current job, or do I need to protect myself by re-skilling? Will caring responsibilities or other priorities mean I need to work more flexibly? How secure is my current job for the next five years? Am I satisfied at the current level of my profession? Do I need a career change? Is there work stress that I have not been managing properly?
● Health-related
Am I taking the proper steps to maintain or improve my health? If not, should I get myself tested medically to aid early detection? Do I have any disease risk coming from family history? Would workplace adjustments make it easier for me to cope with my current health status? What changes do I have to make regarding my work, family to reduce the stress I have at present? What changes do I have to make in terms of daily living to be physically healthy? Do I have nutritious foods? Am I routinely exercising? Am I controlling my chronic disease properly, or do I need more attention to get it under control? Have I discussed the complications of the chronic diseases with my doctor and taking adequate precautions to delay the complications? Have I got spiritually connected?
● Money-related
Have I realized my destined pathway? Do I have enough savings to maintain my current lifestyle for the next five years? Do I have to look for a second profession or a business of my own? Within the next five years, what areas would I have to spend on to ready cash? Have I invested adequately? Should I look to invest more?
● Family-related
What are my family priorities for the next five years? Are there any responsibilities I need to shoulder fully? Can I delegate some of it, or do I need to bear it all? Are the parents being looked after, anything else I need to do for them? Am I happy with the current status of my family? Is there anything I should do to improve my family life? Are their relationships which I need to invest more time in? Am I struggling with some life issues that are draining my energy out of me? What steps have I taken to improve this situation?
When you ask some of the above questions yourself, you will find clarity on where you are at present, your future commitments, and a realization of where you want to go vs where you are now.
The first step is – Figure out where you want to go. Do you want to go to the next level, or are you satisfied with what you are as of now? Write them down clearly. Keep thinking about these for about two weeks to grow further, edit and fine-tune them into concrete, well-crafted goals.
Next step – Stock taking where you are at present, relative to the goals you had crafted. This and the associated emotions can be very powerful in moving you in the direction you want to go. You will have to be extremely honest with yourself and really look at your circumstances when doing this. Ask your closest friends for their opinions. Look into what you have and what you don’t. Know and identify the gaps.
Third step – Action planning. List out each activity you need to do and give it timelines and what you want to do.
Talk to a life coach or a mentor. They are a gift of a lifetime. Talking about it with an unknown, non-judgmental, professionally qualified person helps you find the clarity you need to move forward.
Please pay attention to planning your life before it’s too late or before you encounter steep valleys or high mountains, so you are well prepared to either change the course of action or take it head-on and go past it. Do not wait and make the same mistake many people do- by waiting for life to happen. Play a more ‘active role’ in your life and its pathway. After all, you are responsible for your life’s pathway. Everyone has a destined path. Our birth and death are already fixed at the end of the ‘life string’. So the chances of the ‘string’ getting knotted are significantly less, as both sides of the line are already set. Just lessen the unwanted thinking, craft your pathway correctly and keep an eye on the ball.
Not everyone’s life is perfect, and it doesn’t have to be either. But definitely, we can do far better than we had in the past. Every passing second is not just time, but your life ticking. Make the best of what you have!! All the best!
