Authenticity is not a funky high-end terminology at all. It is just ‘who you are as is’. While this explanation is simple as it sounds, it has a real deep meaning to it. Authenticity is the key to our existence, achievements, and how we respond in difficult life situations. It is the key to how other people see us- how your children see you as parents, how your boyfriend sees you as the girlfriend, how your husband sees you as a wife, how your relatives see you, how your friends see you, and how your wife sees you co-workers see you etc. Authenticity is the ultimate key to your health and happiness, and in most cases, we realize it only when it is too late.
Being authentic means that you act in ways to express your true self and how you feel. Rather than showing people only a particular side of yourself, you say your whole self genuinely. To succeed in being authentic, you first have to know your true self. This requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-acceptance. Genuine people are comfortable and confident of who they are.
You have to go through a real journey to get to the state of ‘living with authenticity. You have to be in harmony with the ethics, values you operate, connection with the work you do outside, communion with the inside and outside world you are in. For some, it is a challenging journey, realized unexpectedly when going through a setback in their life. For some, it’s a long journey of walking, seeking, experiencing, modifying and finally getting there. Some are born with it, and the outside world provided for their needs at somewhat correct terms, so they were fulfilled inside, and they had time to grow into being who they are.
As a baby, you don’t need to be talking about authenticity. They already are authentic. They cry when they need to be attended to, they laugh when they feel happy. There is no masking or another layer of who they are and what they portrait to the world. As we grow, we develop self-awareness. With that, we absorb all positive and negative things around us, what people have told us, what traditions have accepted as ‘allowed’, the reactions from people – parents, teachers in dealing with us, etc. What we did with others, circumstances, situations, to be accepted in society by people. These grow and start to store in our consciousness. Over time we make judgements based on these collections. Decisions of how we should be, as opposed to who we are.
We become so protective of ourselves, so doubtful if we are hurt if we allow our true self to come out. We try to adjust to the circumstances around us, reducing the frictions with the surrounding circumstances. We decide to suppress ourselves, so we can make others happy. We try to change ourselves to adapt to our environments. I speak from experience and trust me, and it feels like you are just trying to live. You slowly give up on many things that you stood for in life. Gradually you embark on a journey of slow death.
You will know you are violating the more profound you when you feel you are suddenly lost or lost for a while in life. You will start to feel unhappy. Suddenly you will begin to question yourself as to why you are so sad. When you have been suppressing yourself for too long and trying to live not according to your ethics, values, and profoundly stated desires, the struggle begins. You start to constantly feel ‘not adequate’, ‘out of place’, ’emotionally drained’, which generates enormous stress, depression leading to health issues down the line etc. These signs, over considerable time, follows physical symptoms starting with lack of energy, lack of sleep, lack of appetite, mood swings, chronic headaches, gastritis etc. End of the road, you may inherit chronic diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure etc.
Living authentically means you are as open to the world wholeheartedly as you. When you are just who you are, shares what you feel, behaves as you think is correct, there may be people who like you and people who don’t like you. Authenticity may come at a cost. After all, you can’t pretend to be someone else because you want to be liked or you want to be accepted. Within a specific boundary, you portray who you are, yet not in a way that could hurt other people. While it may come at a cost, it will also lead you to a more prosperous and wholesome life where you are comfortable and confident of who you are.
Living authentically is a process than an outcome, making use of your skills talents, being true to your values and ethics, and achieving the life that’s best for you.
In Authentic: How to Be Yourself and Why It Matters, Stephen Joseph (2019) bring out an excellent summary formula for an authentic life.
“Know yourself + Own yourself + Be yourself = the Authentic Life.”
When you make your decisions based on your values and ethics, knowing yourself, your skills and talents, you can easily be transparent and honest in all things you do. People are drawn to those who appear sincere and genuine all the time, making your life a lot easier in all dealings.
Whenever you feel a little less or ruffled, ask yourself, ‘are you true to yourself?’. Your answer to this question will help you start a dialogue with yourself, and if you truly listen, it can lead to some genuinely revealing, which may need proper actions.
