We belong to Generation X. We were born between 1965 and 1984. We probably belonged to one of the first women to go to university in the area, was among the few women in technical jobs, married in the late 20s, tried a hand at a business, or stay at home mom with a rich husband. Among us are company CEOs, higher managers, corporate employees, self-run business women, professionals as doctors, lawyers, engineers, teachers, homemakers, etc. Every one of us has come so far. Now ask us how happy we at this age are? Most of the time, this is a sad story.
What have we done to feel this way? Did we lose it as we feel inside? Are we comparing ourselves to someone else? Are we bankrupt of our dreams as we think?
The truth of the matter is how you planned your last 5-10 years to show where you are today. Again how you plan your next few years will get you where you will be in the next five years. Does this mean you got off tracked due to overwhelming situations in your life and let the ‘eye on the ball’ drop? Did you lose yourself in the journey of service for others? Are we too late to come out of the bankruptcy of our dreams now?
Our focus and priority
We have paid attention to study, get a good job, marry, have children, and then raise the children throughout our lives. As the midlife time comes, your children have become more independent, and their sides no longer need you. Issues within families have surfaced, relationship issues, parents health issues and even your health issues. For considerable neglect that took the place of your body and health, it will start to show its results with changes of annual blood check-ups, radiological interventions etc. Mental health issues due to our surroundings and how we react to them, anxiety about the future, and depression about the past all may start to surface.
Our lack of the ‘me’ concept hurt us in the end
We have prioritized others most of the time, being the mom of the family, being the family’s wife, being the daughter-in-law of the family, it was an expected role from you by the people around you. You have been meeting these expectations of others for a long time and hardly had time for you, your dreams, your hobbies, your friends etc. Suddenly, when the problems surface, you are ill-prepared to take where you are today and not have connected deep within yourself to have the platform to sort out the issues. This caught off-guard ill-preparedness hits you hard and generated feelings of remorse, pain, despair, pity and make you lose the delicate balance in your life.
Our comparisons
If one of our children have a problem, we would talk them out and resolve it with patience. We are kind to them, helping to make sense of what they are going through. But if we get entangled in a web of issues in middle age, we further look at the people who have done better than us in the areas we are lacking and compare ourselves to them. This aggravates the problem multiple times.
How do we manage things around us better?
- Be kind to yourself. You are no magic pill.
- Realize life is living through ups and downs. Everyone has their cup of tea, but it may not be visible from outside all the time.
- Dissect the problem into quadrants, choose timelines to focus on each situation. We feel overwhelmed when we have priority issues and focusing issues. Start from here.
- Get a mentor who had been through similar life challenges and a coach to figure yourself out. Combining both of them will help you get the clarity you need to sort out the mid-life issues.
- Stay open-minded to a range of possibilities in life, realize you are poised better now than your younger years in terms of perspective, wisdom, circumstances, support to make needed changes. The limitations are only inside you.
- Be realistic about what you are looking to achieve. Some would want a 360-degree career change, such as becoming a world-famous pianist or a Film Director winning Oscars. Realize the difference between fantasy and dreams and have lengthy discussions with people you trust, proper professionals such as life coaches to figure yourself out.
- Know life is never in vain. Every one of us has a journey, and in that, there are ups and downs to make us mature, open ourselves to the world of possibilities we had never known otherwise. Stay optimistic always throughout low periods.
- Work on connecting within yourself, understand the laws of spirituality; you may find answers when you least expect it, as your horizon widens.
